Compassion and the Dissatisfied Mind Part 1
Compassion and the Dissatisfied Mind Part I
By Dent Gitchel Jr., PhD
One does not have to look far to find dissatisfaction and aggression. We are constantly surrounded by unspeakable acts of violence of every kind. Any talk program seems to quickly evolve into persons polarized into opposing views and attempting to one-up one another. And increasingly, our entertainment seems to be to complain and/or watch those who are complaining. Listen to any talk show and listen to complaint after complaint, gripe after gripe. And the subjects of our shows, whether dramas or “reality” shows are typically blowing air about some way that they have been wronged. Pick a news story on the Internet, pretty much any one, and read the comments. Invariably, you will find one complaint after another. The world, from this perspective, seems to consist of seven billion disgruntled souls, dissatisfied to the core and barely tolerating one another. In short, immense suffering surrounds us.
On the surface this appears rather bleak. But dig a little deeper and one may find a nugget of gold. Typically our dissatisfaction manifests in divisiveness and blame. But it can be used as a tool for empathy and connection. That which separates us can actually be transformed into that which connects us. In short, our dissatisfaction can serve as a springboard and basis for cultivating Compassion, a big C Compassion that acknowledges the sameness in us all and seesthe core humanity that resides in each person. Ironically, it is through our dissatisfaction that we may evolve into our Compassion.
Compassion, according to standard definitions, is a response to suffering that wants to alleviate such suffering. An act of compassion involves an awareness component as well as a volitional component. If I am compassionate toward you, I am aware that you are suffering. Following from that, I am affected in a way that causes me to wantto do something to alleviate your suffering, or at the very least, to wishthat you are not suffering. This may occur naturally if loved ones are suffering. I remember my daughter as an infant being wheeled back to have surgery. At that moment I would have done anything to trade places with her and would have gladly taken on her suffering if it were possible. Such “pure” instances of compassion, however, are rare, even with the ones that we love. And it is a very tall order to extend compassion to others outside our immediate circle of concern.
And yet, many of us are called to do so. Deep inside, we want to open our hearts to others, to extend our care and concern to unfamiliar places. It is not easy work. To do this, we need training, and we need a roadmap. On some implicit level perhaps all of our spiritual and ethical traditions are providing us with such a roadmap. The Tibetan Buddhist tradition does so explicitly. According to this tradition, compassion is our true nature. Through training, such as the Seven Point Mind Training, we can gradually develop our minds to be able to access our innate compassion more frequently and to extend it more broadly. However, this protocol may be a tough nut to crack and inaccessible to those of us from differing cultural and spiritual backgrounds. Fortunately, there have emerged secularized compassion training protocols to assist us. Both Emory’s Cognitively-Based Compassion Training and Stanford’s Compassion Cultivation Training are modern adaptations of the classical Tibetan approach.
On the path to compassion cultivation, what we might be first exposed to is our own dissatisfied mind. In facilitating compassion cultivation classes, one of my most important roles has been to encourage people through this process. For many of us, this is not what we signed up for. “This is a compassion cultivation class. Compassion is supposed to feel good. Why is my mind so dissatisfied? There must be something wrong with me or I must be doing something wrong.” These types of questions naturally emerge. No. Experiencing our dissatisfaction, sitting with it and seeing it for what it is, is a necessary first step (and an ongoing one) in the process of compassion cultivation. It is not a sign of something gone wrong, but rather a sign that we are befriending ourselves.
This dissatisfaction is uncomfortable and we do not want to acknowledge it or to be with it. It is counter-instinctual to not try and avoid it. On one level, almost anything we do, including meditation, can be seen as a way of avoiding our inner dissatisfaction. It is subtle and has many layers. Robert Thurman talks of the inner enemy, the secret enemy and the super secret enemy.
My own path to meditation began from a search for meaning. Like many in the modern world, I was lost and searching for an answer, searching for a path. Attending rock concerts and such provided some temporary relief, but pervasive dissatisfaction was always lurking in the background. I discovered contemplative practices through college courses. Like many, I saw these as the final answer, as that which would finally provide meaning and address my inner dissatisfaction. And yet, the dissatisfaction lingered. For years, I expected something from meditation and these expectations were invariably not met. Thus, the path was rocky.
This disconnect can be particularly prevalent in the process of compassion cultivation. Naturally, we will have certain preconceptions and expectations about what the process will entail and these will not be met. I struggled for years trying to cultivate compassion through contemplative practices. I read books by Sogyal Rinpoche, Pema Chodron, Alan Wallace, His Holiness the Dali Lama and others. I attended workshops and retreats. Yet, looking back, I cannot say that my compassion much increased. The missing link was my own dissatisfaction. I had not befriended my own suffering, and without this compassion for others can go nowhere.
In the modern context, meditation is often approached as skills training, with Mindfulness, Compassion, Happiness, etc. presented as skills to be cultivated. Recently, for instance, renowned contemplative neuroscientist Richard Davidson has compared the cultivation of happiness to learning to play a musical instrument. While useful, the skills-based approach to cultivating Compassion is also lacking. While skills may be used to cultivate Compassion, what is cultivated or discovered is not a skill at all but a quality of being. A key step in the recognition of this quality is an awareness and acceptance of our own inner discomfort, of our own dissatisfied mind.
This discovery will be met with much resistance, and for good reason. Why would we want to look at our own discomfort? Meditation and contemplation is supposed to “feel good.” Why would we want to delve into dissatisfaction? Paradoxically, the examination of our own discomfort in a gentle and loving way may open up up experiences of comfort and acceptance. And most importantly, the encounter with our own dissatisfaction is the gateway to compassion.
Through this encounter a basic aspect of our existence can be acknowledged, one that connects us to all others. An acceptance of our own dissatisfaction allows us to develop empathy and compassion for others. Just as we are dissatisfied, so too are all others. And it is this that drives much of our public discourse, entertainment industries and consumer/political endeavors. In this, we are all the same. Where then to proceed with this realization? That is a very important question.
Look for Dr. Gitchel’s new book Pursuing Purpose: A Guide to Finding Meaning Through Meditation in late summer 2020